Showing posts sorted by relevance for query eleanor roosevelt. Sort by date Show all posts
Showing posts sorted by relevance for query eleanor roosevelt. Sort by date Show all posts

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Eleanor Roosevelt

People said "you can't have a beagle in the city, they're too loud, they bark too much", but I was not convinced. I combed the Internet when I should have been working, looking for beagle rescue sites near home, but to rescue a beagle you had to go to Michigan, or Wisconsin, there was nothing in the city.

My father had recently died, my husband had finally agreed to getting another dog, and I was convinced that a beagle was the perfect dog for us. On a Saturday morning in November we happened to drive by the city pound, nowhere near our apartment. Jack was certain we wouldn't find a beagle, I wanted to look, it wouldn't hurt to check.

In the second room, full of row after row of dogs in cages, we found her. She was literally bone thin, her big head and long nose exaggerated by the scraggly body. On her cage was a red tag, a warning, but there was no description, nothing to warn about it seemed. The pound worker let us take her outside where she immediately curled up in the grass. We had a ball to throw which she looked at, and then us, and laid back down. I sat down next to her, while Jack continued the effort to engage her in play, and she moved over and put her head in my lap. He knew then, this was going to be our dog. But what about the red tag? The pound people guessed it was there because she was timid; she was a return dog, someone took her and brought her back, so they thought that perhaps she was not good with children. We had no children but had been married just over one year and thought children were a possibility, if not soon, someday. I was convinced we had the time, that she would be fine. We took her home.

On the way home she vomited on my feet in the car.

We bought her a bed and a kennel and read about all the best ways to train a dog. Immediately I called her "Eleanor" to which Jack laughed, "she has no idea who you are talking to" but eventually she did, learning in no time that she was Eleanor Roosevelt,  a perfect name for a dog of such distinction.

She adjusted quickly to her new home, finding her big monogrammed bed suitable for her eighteen hour per day sleeping habit. And that bed, placed in a corner of the kitchen, proved to be the perfect spot for a quirky beagle who was content to lay for hours, waiting for one morsel to be dropped near her nose. That she was adopted into a largely vegetarian household was never discussed, although she did grow to appreciate tofu and garden burgers over time.

She ate chocolate cake, garbage, paper, laundry, dirt, poop, diapers, random animal bones on the sidewalk, and anything that smelled, although she did not like olives, dried pasta or bananas. She routinely ate things that upset her stomach, sending us too often to the emergency vet late at night, and once to the corner store for hydrogen peroxide (see chocolate cake). Together we walked the neighborhood, Eleanor out in front meeting neighbors and making friends. She slept in our bed, under the covers near our feet.

One year later I was pregnant. We read all we could about introducing the dog and the baby, concern over the undefined red tag still lingering. Jack dutifully took a baby blanket home from the hospital, to give to Eleanor a "heads up" as to what was coming. Three days later the actual babies arrived.

She was overjoyed to have us home, jumping and crying and celebrating. We put the babies on the ground, for her inspection. She sniffed each one extensively, looked at us, looked back at them, and found a nice spot to curl up, for a nap. Eight months later they were dropping, throwing and spilling food with wild abandon; Eleanor surely thought the heavens had opened, food was falling from the sky.

As soon as Mary was able to see the world around her, she saw Eleanor. She laid on her, pulled on her, sat on her and loved her. One year later her first word was something that sounded like Eleanor, more specifically, Elnor, which the beagle recognized immediately as her own.

In her 8 years with two little girls, she has worn flower leis, doll sweaters, tutus, diapers, t-shirts and socks. She has suffered the indignity of bows tied on her tail and Santa hats on her head. She has attended tea parties, dance parties and magic shows. She has been a bench, a foot stool and a pillow. More than once she has looked at me with a "really? why me?" expression, only to return to having her ears brushed and costume fitted.

Eleanor has been a terrible house guest, pooping immediately in almost every home she's visited. While bunking with friends recently, she opened their kitchen cabinet and helped herself to all the garbage she could find, leaving a trail of discarded yogurt containers and chicken bones throughout their apartment. The neighbors upstairs often leave their back door open and Eleanor has seen that as an open invitation to come inside. Once they found her in their bed, napping.

The girls have, in the past year, started walking her. Her slowed gait, not quite as eager to chase anything that moved, combined with their growing independence made this a perfect pairing. They tottle down the street, the three of them,  as I walk behind, poop bags in hand (because they are just not ready for that chore). Often the leisurely stroll gives way to hysterical laughter as Eleanor wanders on the other side of the tree, and as the girls scream "bread and butter!" she tangles herself in her leash, all three lost as to how to remedy the situation. They talk to the neighbors, Kate stopping to explain her dog's now full coat of gray hair while Mary continues on, her "Eleanor", now fully pronounced and so full of giggles it is as uniquely her own as "Elnor" was seven years ago.

Yesterday, for the first time in eight years, I threw the crusts from Mary's sandwich in the garbage.There is no beagle underfoot waiting for a crumb to drop, no big huge eyes watching for the extra piece of cheese to land on the floor. Eleanor died on Sunday, in her sleep, in her favorite place to be, at home in the girls' room.

With the perspective of four days, I can say that I am happy she was able to die on her own, when she was ready, and I'm thankful that we didn't have to make the decision for her. She was tired, and had, in the last few days, lost some of her ravenous appetite, for both food and squirrel chasing. But we thought we were entering the old lady years, in no way were any of us prepared to say good-bye.

It's too quiet here. I miss the click click of her nails on the floor and the jingle of her collar. I miss having someone follow me from room to room, miss seeing her buried under her blanket, on her bed in the corner.


Mostly, I miss Eleanor, we all do. 







Thursday, August 4, 2011

Eleanor and Lucy

The girls and I met a beagle named Lucy at the coffee shop last week. Eleanor Roosevelt the beagle offered Lucy the obligatory sniff and then sat back, quite uninterested. Lucy, a few years Eleanor's junior, tried again to engage the old gal again but with no luck.

To the kind woman walking Lucy, a few years my senior, I said "well it's really no surprise, given their history. I don't suppose we should expect them to be friends!" and laughed out loud at my own hilarity. The kind woman looked at me as if I were crazy and hastily made her exit.

Jack explained, "of course she didn't understand that. Had I not married you I would not get that joke at all. In fact I think the only other person we know who might find that funny is Jay". Recently we discovered that Jay, like me, has a favorite patriot. That alone convinced Jack that he can now outsource my need to blather on about presidential history. I've yet to run this witticism by Jay. Beagles, presidents, and romance, that is clearly can't miss humour.

I stand with you Eleanor; it certainly wasn't easy to just sit there while Lucy flaunted her younger more girlish self, her energy almost overpowering the patio, blatantly throwing her youth in your now graying long nose. That said, she seemed nice and really, not at all the kind to have a sordid affair. You just never know about people, or dogs, or just how big a geek I can be.

Lucy Mercer Rutherford


Monday, May 4, 2009

Chit Chat

A conversation had by Mary and Kate today:

"Our dog is named Eleanor Roosevelt, she's a beagle, and she tinkles on our floor. All over the floor, Mom says she's getting old, like an old lady, and so she has accidents, and she poops sometimes, ooh, ick (hysterical laughter). And our dad just yells at her, all the time, Eleanor Roosevelt, stop pooping, but she's old so maybe she doesn't know but he just keeps on yelling and yelling but mostly he likes to sleep, sleep sleep sleep, all the time. Just like Eleanor, Dad and Eleanor like to sleep, all the time, they nap, but we don't like to, but we do sometimes, like today, we are going to nap today because our uncles were here this weekend, we ate ice cream and stayed up late, oh and a cupcake, we had a cupcake too. But not Eleanor, she has to spit up if she eats cupcakes, once she ate a cupcake, no a cake, and she spit up everywhere, it was icky, but we weren't born yet, we were still in mom's belly, and...".

The very young, very single guy cashier at Whole Foods was tolerant, not terribly amused, and probably not too interested in a beagle or a cupcake.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Sunday Morning Mercury

Two weeks ago Jack and I were packing up the contents of our buffet, in an effort to clear some space in our dining room, thinking that at some point in the near future we need to put our little apartment on the market and move (we are packed in here, all five of us). We found a small wooden teardrop'd shape thing, old and curious. And we found that it opened, and then mercury poured out, all over the table in the family room, and the rug, and the husband. I called poison control, yes, mercury. Eeek! Do not use a vacuum, must call the fire department, immediately. Four big red trucks pulled up in front of our building and in came about six firefighters in full firefighter gear. Mary and Kate, who had been sequestered in their bedroom with Eleanor Roosevelt, were fascinated. Lots of mulling around a then a call to the chief, seems our local fire guys had never seen mercury before. Five firefighters marched downstairs and one was left, Mike, to guard the room. The chief arrived, he surveyed the "spill" and called for a HAZMAT team.

Mary and Kate, still locked up in their room, begged for breakfast. I offered bananas. The HAZMAT team arrived, another six firefighters in full gear waving scanning "things" all over our apartment. They scanned the spill, they scanned our shoes, they scanned Mike's firefighter boots, they scanned Eleanor Roosevelt. Our shoes were ordered into a bag for cleaning, Eleanor was ordered into the bath, and poor Mike, his boots were bagged, leaving him with firefighter shorts and dark socks. Luckily the mercury level in our apartment was low but being that it was still mercury, we must call on another to opine on our situation. Chief, and HAZMAT leader, thought our table and rug best be tossed out into the alley, never to be seen again. Splendid! The table, a beautiful antique farm table, and the rug, a very valuable antique Persian, would be so well suited to the world in our alley. Every rodent in the back would love making a home in that beautiful rug. And so the EPA was called. This being a Sunday morning, it took the EPA guy about and hour to get into the city from who knows where. I let Mary and Kate out of their room, we moved onto the front porch, waiting and watching. He arrived, and offered this opinion of our little hazardous spill, "vacuum, there's not enough here to cause any damage. Thanks, and I'll take the original vessel. Have a good day".

The rug and the table were very happy.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

What's In A Name?

Last week, on soccer day, we were flying a kite on the beach across our small pond, so today we had make up soccer day, new coaches, new team mates.

New Coach: Do you go by Kate or Katie?

Kate: Well my name is really Katherine, since you asked. But I am usually called Kate, unless I am in trouble and then Mom calls me Katherine. And if it's really big trouble, then Katherine Dineen, but that is usually Dad. I have an aunt who is a Katherine but we call her Katie, well Aunt Katie really, and my other aunt was Katherine and they called her Teetee, but she died before I was born. Our dog is named Eleanor but her real name is Eleanor Roosevelt. We call her Rosie, or Mrs. Roosevelt, or sometimes Eleanor. My sister's name is Mary, just Mary, she doesn't have a nickname, it's always just Mary.

New Coach: So Kate?

Kate: That will be fine.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

What a Difference a Day Makes

In one day everything I know to be true can change, just like that. Saturday was summer, Sunday a chilly autumn day. Yesterday I was terrified of birds, today, squirrels. Not that I was madly in love with the quasi domesticated rodents yesterday, or the day before, but they rarely made me shriek. I've been shrieking. Do not hang peanut butter encrusted pine cones on your back porch. Squirrels see this as an open invitation to hang out, our back porch is now the VFW hall in the small town world known as Squirrel Land. And our bouncer, Eleanor Roosevelt, generally a fan of chasing the bushy varmits down in the front yard, sits and stares at them through the screen, not one scary beagle hunter sound to be heard.

Just last week our formidable hound dog caught a squirrel out in the back. While I did not admit to the neighbors that the lifeless figure was the result of Mrs. Roosevelt's pure bred need to capture and shake, I suspect that they might have known. I was horrified, shocked that my lovely and kind dog, our Eleanor who allows Mary to climb on her, hug her (until she is an odd beagle blue), and sleep on top of her, could shake and snap the life out of another creature. And yet it is true, she's a hunter, a hound dog in her true form. That is, unless the reward is on the back porch, then she is quite content to lay in the sun and watch the squirrely beast, and all his friends, romp about in their new party room.

How about a bark, or a howl Rosie? Don't feel like you have to really exert yourself by overpowering our guests, but perhaps you could intimidate them, just a bit. Really, you'd think that after last weeks attack the squirrel community would have issued a neighborhood watch: Attack Beagle in the Area, Beware. Instead I issued an invitation to them: Open House, please join us for sunflower seeds and peanut butter on the back porch. BYO.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Golf Lessons

"Bedbugs?".

"Everyone in the neighborhood has them, we can't keep this stuff on the shelf, you're lucky to get a bottle".

Lucky? Not exactly the word I would chose. Mary woke up with red nibbles all over one side of her face, and here we were, receiving a diagnosis from our friendly ACE hardware man. I stocked up on all varieties of horrid looking things to squirt around my children's currently pesticide free, but apparently bug welcoming, bedroom.

The day before, two days after returning from a wonderful 10 day beach vacation, Jack was gone again, back to Michigan for his annual golf trip. They go every year, 8 of them, for four days of non stop golf with little time for frivolous late night activities, I am assured. We didn't do so well on the timing, there were still piles of sand in the kitchen. A large bag of beach toys remained in the back of the car, freshly laundered clothes were piled high on the dining room table, heaps of dirty clothes scattered on the laundry room floor, canvas bags of every size and color stood from one end of the hallway to the other and two thoroughly exhausted children, ones who have never returned well rested and fresh, were left to appear every morning intent on destroying any patience I had left to share. And now, bedbugs.

Beds were stripped, linens washed, scary killer bug stuff squirted in every corner of the room. While away, my daughter's charming bedroom was magically transformed into a creepy fleabag motel, I was determined to get it back. Mary and Kate slept for two nights in sleeping bags, a camping getaway when you are five, not an escape from the $20 per hour motel room of my mind.

The night before he left one, of two, bathrooms decided to take a holiday as well. Not a terrible problem, until the remaining bath, feeling the pressure, called it quits the next day.

Eleanor Roosevelt, sensing my growing frustration with the situation, and missing Jack terribly, decided to relieve her sense of abandonment by relieving herself on the runner in the living room. One of the children, clearly not wanting to leave Eleanor alone in this embarrassing situation, decided to go with the flow and, for the first time ever, announce "Mom! I went in my pants".

The lights in the exterior hallway went out, leaving us in complete darkness at night, and me terrified to take the dog out. The lock on the front door broke. The children, trying to help, sprinkled pet cleaning powder on every exposed surface, effectively removing any odor left behind by Eleanor, and allowing me to imagine, for three days, what it would be like to live in the laundry supply aisle at Target.

Our Internet connection flickered on and off the entire weekend, because, when left alone for four days with two young children, it's best to have intermittent communication options available. I found the window to email Jack, "bedbugs".

Golf lessons are on my to do list for 2011.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Because Mary and Kate Get It

Two nights ago, on our evening walk, Eleanor Roosevelt and I spotted the first fireflies of the summer. Eleanor barely noticed. She continued on with her incessant sniffing of the sidewalk while I followed the path of the flying bug, hoping to see another shot of light before we made it home. The first firefly is an announcement of the arrival of summer, and that it happened in the last week of school made it even more remarkable. Eleanor was not at all excited and treated the whole monumental occasion as very everyday, as if she happens upon the first fireflies of the season nightly. I could not wait to get home and tell the girls.


When Jack and I got married, children were an understanding but not a great plan. They arrived at about the time we would have liked, as part of the natural progression of marriage. That I can recall, no one has ever said to me, without sarcasm, "why did you have children?", or if they did, I didn't have a good answer. It wasn't part of a grand scheme to leave a bit of us on the planet; we had no need to produce an heir, we have no land that needs farming nor business that needs a plan of succession. We had children because we wanted to, without one truly tangible reason, and very little planning.

Children are a great deal of work. They require me to be on my best behavior as often as I possibly can. They expect more from me than anyone ever has, and make me want to be the person that can live up to those expectations. They need me to cook their food and tell them when to go to bed, to laugh at their jokes and make sure their feet are clean. It's a commitment, one that means I skip my favorite art fair, on a beautiful sunny Chicago day, to stay home and rub the back of a feverish and crying child.

But Mary and Kate appreciate fireflies, and that's reason enough for me.



Monday, June 8, 2009

A Tale of Two Old Ladies

"Try these".
"I'm fine, really".
"Try them".
"No, I'm well, alright, oh, oh dear".

Look, there it was, miso sea bass, spicy yellow tail, curried tofu, I could see it all. Jack shook his head, I succumbed to the pressure, I could see the menu. But not if you held it over my left shoulder, a dull ache on that side prevented me from turning my head, rotating my entire body, like Joan Cusak at the water fountain, was the only way I could see the room behind me. The full body twist combined with the reading glasses, my only saving grace being a pimple I felt growing on my chin; sans that I was at least my own age, if not older.

When we got home my sister reported that Eleanor Roosevelt was unable to jump up on the sofa. The next day she winced when touched. Five buildings away she had to stop and take a break, sprawling out on the sidewalk, our walk blissfully cut short as I could only hold the leash in my right hand finding it far too painful to keep hold of the slowly lumbering first lady with my left. She flatly refused to climb the steps to our apartment and so, with great care so as to not hurt her or throw my back out completely, I carried the 40 pound beagle up the stairs. We were both exhausted. She cried when the children came near, I thought she had somehow gone blind over night, being easily startled and scared. Waving my hands wildly in front of her face, I pictured her in reading glasses, red to match her collar. I wondered if seeing eye dog courtesies would be extended if neither of us could see.

Without a car, or any feeling on my left side, I scooted the two children into a taxi, hoisted the injured Mrs. Roosevelt, still unable to move, into my lap and hurried off to the vet the first thing this morning. She is not old and dying, she can actually see, she simply sprained her back. One half an anti inflammatory a day, administered tonight via goat cheese after rejecting peanut butter and pasta, and she will be fine in a few short days.

My course of treatment should be only so tasty.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

NorthSideFour Plus Russell

Three years is a long time to wait, even longer when you're ten years old and three years accounts for just under one third of your life. But wait three years they did, and their patience and diligence has paid off in one big furry reward named Russell.

This summer they worked in earnest, presenting their case early with a well written persuasive essay outlining the benefits of dog ownership, and making clear their plan to meet and exceed all expectations regarding care. They searched online for a suitable pet, initially setting their sights on a young beagle named Tiny Dancer who was available at a nearby shelter. Their informative paper written about Tiny Dancer included this line, "I'm sure we all agree that we will want to change Tiny Dancer's name immediately", but alas, Tiny Dancer was adopted quite quickly by a family perhaps better suited to Elton John admiration. The girls were disappointed but undeterred, the search continued.

It was Jack who needed convincing and yet it was Jack who found Russell, a five year old Beagle/Jack Russell mix who was surrendered to a nearby shelter when his family moved to Ireland. He was confused at the shelter and wanted little to do with us, by evening he was sound asleep in my lap. He slept until almost 10:00 the next day, earning a place, if not yet in Jack's heart, at least in his good graces. He is happiest with Mary and Kate, finally eating, and working hard on his chase the tennis ball skills. He is the perfect dog for us (although I am campaigning for a name change: Rousseau, Roosevelt, Franklin). Good work girls, patience and diligence do have rewards, you did a fine job, and so did your Dad.

Welcome home Russell.

Three years ago our beloved beagle Eleanor Roosevelt died, the girls and I have been campaigning for a dog ever since. 

Thursday, April 30, 2009

What a Day This Has Been

It began with a quest for party shoes, apparently impossible to find in the greater Chicago area. Simple black patent Mary Jane's are clearly a thing of the past, the MJ's of today have bows and ribbons and sparkles. Or heels, that is just what my not always coordinated four year old dancing queen needs, heels. Like so many things, shoes seem to be less and less little girls shoes and more and more small mom shoes. In Kate's size we have found mini pumps, ballet flats with lace up ribbons and peeky toe faux wedgies, please, she is four, she is still a little girl. Stride Rite makes Mary Jane's, bless them, but this time of year they are only available in white or bone. She is not a nursing student, she is a pre kindergartner who is looking for father daughter dance appropriate footwear. Found, but in an outlet store in the far Western suburbs; fine, we'll make it a day, a little car trip for the three of us.

But first we have to stop and see a new apartment, and that will only take a few minutes. And we need to walk Eleanor Roosevelt, that's nothing, and then we'll leave, and after the apartment tour we'll stop for tea and a muffin, and then we'll go. Ready set, crash...Kate fell while walking the dog, full out splat on the sidewalk, both knees covered in blood, and just two buildings down the street. I hand Mary the dog, scoop up a sobbing Kate, survey the damage, the dog takes off, and the neighborhood dog walker grabs her, brings her back and upstairs we go to clean the knees, change the pants and still make it to the apartment showing in 15 minutes. Done, knees are scuffed but alive, one large band-aid, clean pants and "MOM, Rosie pooped in our room!". Right, Mrs. Roosevelt did not finish her morning walk and has clearly decided to voice her disgust with the children. Clean the offending and disgusting mess, sanitize the room, lock the dog in the bathroom, grab the children and head out the back door with no chance of being on time. Circle the block, no parking, no surprise, circle again, spot the realtor in his car in front of the building, "Hello, hi, yes, I'm so sorry, we had a series of mishaps but we're here, just so sorry, and, what?". The realtor could not get his keys to work, someone was to have called me, no one did, he's very sorry, perhaps we could reschedule?

We stop for the promised muffin, and tea, at the neighborhood tea shop. The girls find a table while I juggle two milks, two plates and a cup of hot tea, fully expecting to drop the entire order with a crash onto the floor of the urbanely quiet spot; I am one of the few people here, ever, with kids. Tempting fate I turn to add milk to my tea, sit back down, catch my back pocket on the chair and rip off the entire back of my pants. Quickly I sit. The girls eat their muffins, oblivious to their mother's posterior exposure. Thankfully I am wearing a cardigan that can be tied around my waist, although under the cardigan is a sleeveless shirt and it's not yet 50 degrees in Chicago. As if I walk through the city every 45 degree day with bare arms, I casually pass the woman in a down parka and hat, scoot the children out the door and back into the car. Home again, wardrobe maladies corrected, back into the car and we're off.

Two traffic accidents (not ours) and an hour and half later we arrive. They have the shoes, simple black patent Mary Jane's with just enough click in the heel to make the requisite four year old dancing sound. Of course Kate is sidelined with injury to both knees and is walking like a bent up old chicken with bowel issues but should she chose to rebound and hit the dance floor, her feet will be ready, tip tap tip.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Small and Furry and Dead

Valentine's Day is a special day, full of love and happiness, over priced floral bouquets, recession ending sales for Hallmark, and sticky heart shaped chocolate boxes, but for me today marks the third anniversary of the day I touched a dead mouse.

Three years ago we had a wee bit of a mouse problem, little guys sneaking in behind the refrigerator and running wild about the place while we slept. I did very little sleeping, knowing these uninvited guests were scurrying about our apartment.

Hurrying about, trying to get two 18 month old girls ready for dinner, shoes on, dresses on, we sat on the couch to rest a minute before we headed out to meet their dad for Valentine's Day. Kate was looking for a stuffed animal, had to have it before we left, very upset at the thought of not having the bunny, or bear, or dog before dinner. As I often did, I ran my hand, sight unseen, under the sofa in the family room, yes, there it was, something small and soft and furry, and so I swept it out in my hand. I looked down, thankfully, before scooping it up and handing it to the child.

This is no bunny, it's not a bear or even a small stuffed dog, this my dears is a dead mouse. Yanking my hand back, I grabbed both girls at once and ran to the front of the apartment, as far as I could get from the corpse. And then I remembered Eleanor Roosevelt, the beagle, the hunter, the sniffer, and, screaming, ran to find her. Mrs. Roosevelt, the laziest dog you could ever hope for, was thankfully celebrating Valentine's Day sleeping on her bed, having yet to notice the carcass laying just feet from her. Without looking at it again, I grabbed the dog and ran to the front. Both girls now crying, their mother screaming and crying, the dog confused and wanting to sleep, I found the phone to call Jack. I got his assistant. She put me right through, "I TOUCHED A DEAD MOUSE". He had me on speaker phone, the entire bank now knows that one, we have mice in our house, and two, I touched a dead one.

Locked the dog in the bathroom, stuffed two children under my arms like footballs, grabbed my bag and ran out the front door, leaving the dead one on the beautiful Persian carpet in our family room.

Renovations on our kitchen began sooner than originally planned. We have not seen a mouse since.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Let's Go New York!

New York is on the brink of legalizing marriage between two men, or two women. Why must this be news? Why must we all care so much? Recently Illinois said that if you really wanted, and if it really mattered, you could come to our state and get committed, but not really married, not now, maybe someday. Good for Illinois, just a little bit good, but come on New York, show us up, show us how to really do this right. I'm committed to many things: safe schools, a diverse community, healthy food, happy children, but I'm only married to one, thing. Let's go New York!

I'm posting, again, something I wrote in November of 2008, when California decided to change their ways and un-marry all those same sex wild things who had foolishly jumped in to this marriage madness. My belief remains the same, why do we care?

One Step Back, posted originally on November 14, 2008

There are days, oh the days, when the husband drives me crazy, simply bonkers. He does not wash dishes, he'll load the dishwasher but he will not hand wash one thing. He leaves the television on when he leaves the room, and he does not love, he barely tolerates, Eleanor Roosevelt. But I know he's here to stay, we're married, like it or not and thankfully we do love each other. And we're a family, the four of us (plus Eleanor) and I am quite certain that tomorrow we will be a family and the next day and the next.

Oh to be a gay man or woman in California, to not have to live with this burden, this sense of security, this insane knowledge that my marriage is legal, condoned and accepted. What it would be like to know that tomorrow I may wake up to find that I'm no longer married, that this commitment I made is simply no longer valid? That this person living in my house with me is no longer my spouse but now my roommate? I've had several roommates in my lifetime, loved them all, but did not want to marry one of them.

And here we are, celebrating an election that puts us all one step ahead while voters in California (and three other states) said no, maybe not all of us, let's leave these people one step back. And why? Why is this important to so many people? It's important to me, it makes a difference in the lives of people I love, it affects how my children will see the world, but why does it matter to you?

This morning I overheard Mary and Kate playing, they were exchanging rings and announcing "now we are married". Moving past the sister issue, I love knowing that my children think it's just fine for a woman to marry a woman or a man to marry a man. I want to be able to introduce them to my friend Peter and his husband Brian, not his friend Brian. I'd like everyone to have this opportunity, to be attached to this other person on days when you think it's the greatest thing going and on days when you want to hang the other off the back porch. Why should this emotional tether be only the sport of heterosexual couples?

Years ago I was a guest at a commitment ceremony, two men, in Kansas City. Telling my dad, my Texas Aggie Republican Dad, about my day I got "why should I care if they get married?". Really Dad? I expected so much more. And that's it, why should it matter? If someone else wants their shot at happiness, why not?

Saturday, November 15, 2008

One Step Back

There are days, oh the days, when the husband drives me crazy, simply bonkers. He does not wash dishes, he'll load the dishwasher but he will not hand wash one thing. He leaves the television on when he leaves the room, and he does not love, he barely tolerates, Eleanor Roosevelt. But I know he's here to stay, we're married, like it or not and thankfully we do love each other. And we're a family, the four of us (plus Eleanor) and I am quite certain that tomorrow we will be a family and the next day and the next.

Oh to be a gay man or woman in California, to not have to live with this burden, this sense of security, this insane knowledge that my marriage is legal, condoned and accepted. What it would be like to know that tomorrow I may wake up to find that I'm no longer married, that this commitment I made is simply no longer valid? That this person living in my house with me is no longer my spouse but now my roommate? I've had several roommates in my lifetime, loved them all, but did not want to marry one of them.

And here we are, celebrating an election that puts us all one step ahead while voters in California (and three other states) said no, maybe not all of us, let's leave these people one step back. And why? Why is this important to so many people? It's important to me, it makes a difference in the lives of people I love, it affects how my children will see the world, but why does it matter to you?

This morning I overheard Mary and Kate playing, they were exchanging rings and announcing "now we are married". Moving past the sister issue, I love knowing that my children think it's just fine for a woman to marry a woman or a man to marry a man. I want to be able to introduce them to my friend Peter and his husband Brian, not his friend Brian. I'd like everyone to have this opportunity, to be attached to this other person on days when you think it's the greatest thing going and on days when you want to hang the other off the back porch. Why should this emotional tether be only the sport of heterosexual couples?

Years ago I was a guest at a commitment ceremony, two men, in Kansas City. Telling my dad, my Texas Aggie Republican Dad, about my day I got "why should I care if they get married?". Really? I expected so much more. And that's it, why should it matter? If someone else wants their shot at happiness, why not?

Thursday, July 3, 2008

No Holiday for Kate, or Eleanor

Our Independence Day tradition, and we can call it that because we have done this for the past three years, is to have dinner at the University Club on the 3rd, watch the fireworks over the lake from inside (where it is quiet) and then spend the night in a hotel downtown. We keep the girls up much past their 8pm bedtime, feel wild and crazy, and enjoy the madness of the Taste of Chicago and fireworks from many floors above the bedlam. It's quite civil. Last year, right as the fireworks started, Mary threw up on the table, in my lap and wherever she could find a spot. They dim the lights in the dining room so the whole thing was quite private, save the smell (sorry for that). That was not going to happen this year, oh not it was not, once is quite enough thank you.

Yesterday Kate did not feel well. I thought she got overheated at soccer and assured myself that she would bounce back once we got home to the cool air. By 3:00 her temperature was in the 102 range. She did not move after that, curled up in a ball for the remainder of the day, clutching a bowl, certain that she was going to "spit up". We were up from 2 to 4am with her, just a sad little one, not feeling well and most concerned with vomit. She woke up today and just as we had not hoped, not at all better. Back to her ball position on the couch, where she is now. Motrim can break the fever but it does not seem to do anything for the ick, and the ick clearly does not know this is our holiday night. So I have canceled our plans, although I have to have a note from her doctor to get out of the hotel (maybe I should just take her down and let her spend some time with the people at the front desk), and home we will be tonight, listening to the fireworks from our family room. It's probably best, Eleanor Roosevelt, patriot that she is, is terrified of fireworks.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Toot Toot Tooty


Two years ago my sister uprooted herself; she left a once sweet but heading sour relationship, sold her house and moved to Chicago to go back to school. Whew. I was cautious, she admittedly does not handle change well, something I attribute to constant change in her young life, and moving from a house in Kansas City to an apartment in Chicago is change. Leaving a boisterous and supportive circle of friends, some of whom she had known since grade school, is change. Selling your car and relying on public transportation, change. And going back to school, something she had been away from for several years, big change. And here we are two years later: Tooty still down the street, she has an even bigger circle of friends in Chicago (not having lost one of those she left in KC), traipsing around on the CTA as if she knew what she was doing, and still in school, still doing well. Although I have caught her numerous times leaving her apartment unlocked (she is reprimanded) and I make her call me when she gets home (but only when she leaves my apartment, I don't badger her every night), she seems to be adjusting well to this city and this life.

Four years ago I had twins, two babies at one time for Christ's sake. The nurses at the hospital asked " do the grandparents live nearby?". Oh no. People at the market would stop and marvel and say, "you must have help". Oh no. For the most part it was Jack and me and Mary and Kate, Eleanor Roosevelt being of very little help early on. And we were fine, exhausted, but fine, because we knew of nothing else. Friends would say things like "you really need to get out" and I would agree, but how? Friends had grandparents who would watch the babies, we had Eleanor. People suggested we travel without them, great idea but how? You can't board babies and I was not about to leave my children, overnight, with someone I did not know, no way. So we plugged along, finding a sitter here and there who would stay with them once they were in bed, not having much luck finding someone who wanted to take on two 6 months old babies, awake, and alone. People with one baby would often say "I don't know how you do it" but the truth is you just do, without thinking, and you love it, and you don't know any better.

And then Tooty moved to Chicago and life changed, in ways we didn't know were possible. Amidst all her change she found some roots in our little place in that her nieces adore her, and we love having her around. Jack calls her his teenage step daughter, which thankfully she is not; I would not want to pay her cell phone bill. She is just what an auntie should be, silly and fun, and willing to teach them all the things I refuse. Mary knows the name of the princess on her nighttime diaper; I did not and would not teach her that. She gives them ice cream every time she makes them dinner, although they always tell me. She comes over when Jack travels and the four of us have an evening out, just the ladies. We go to Target and I don' t have to drive the boxing ring because Tooty takes a cart, and a child and my day is completely different. In the oddest of coupling, she, and my mother in law, stayed with them for a few days earlier this year while I tagged along on a business trip to California. I had not been without them in almost four years and while I missed them terribly, I knew they were safe and loved and happy.

And while my children gained an auntie, I gained a dear friend who lives just down the street, is usually available to meet at the BOB for burger night and understands my deep need to be with my children, while also understanding that sometimes I need to dash out and get a pedicure in the middle of the afternoon, what luxury.

We are all so grateful she bravely turned her life upside down and landed here in our corner of the world. It's nice to have her around for cheeseballs and toddies on Sunday night.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Bakers Two

He was certain, or close to certain, that there were two girls. As I had spent the better part of the previous five months faking excitement while staring at the foggy screen, I had no real means to challenge his opinion, and Jack was passed out on the floor, the words "two girls" having sent him directly under the table, head first. "Really, two girls, really? You are quite sure?", and he was, what he saw, and what I did not, was two girls. And to think, I had been busing around all this time assuming two boys were causing me all this discomfort. I threw water on my husband, dressed and hurled myself towards the door.

Fueled by my relationship with my father, I had assumed, for the years I spent not pregnant and without children, that if in fact I was ever fool enough to throw myself into this madness, I would come out on the other side the mother of boys. To be fair, those spanky little navy blazers at Brooks Brothers figured into my future vision, perhaps my son would be born in that. He was not, in fact he came out naked, two times and in drag.

At some point I realized, once I took control of my pink phobic mind, that really, some of my very best childhood memories were directly related to my being a girl. Days spent at the ballpark with my dad included, as were the hours I amassed sitting at the counter in Mimi's kitchen. Every September we baked apple pies, for Valentine's Day a heart shaped cake and at Christmas, peppermint cookies, sugar cookies and whiskey balls. Of course I could have been a boy, and there were days that my father might have thought that perhaps I was, but there was something to my girl days in the kitchen, and in a quick moment I realized that I could relive those wonderful memories with my girls. And this realization made the tiny blue blazers a thing of the past, red aprons were in my future, I was certain.

The first Christmas rolled around, at three months they were very little help, which I found truly frustrating. Mary slept through most of the Bing Crosby serenaded day while Kate fussed and insisted on sitting in the kitchen. When I then spilled a good amount of powdered sugar directly onto her small head, an indoor winter wonderland covering her small and once happy infant body, she voiced her displeasure accordingly.

Four years later she is content to bathe in powdered sugar, or chocolate, or both. There are few pleasures greater than spilling an entire cup of flour on her sister, who then returns the favor, but with melted butter. Cocoa works especially well for airborne mess, and cookie decorating sugars are best used to enhance the somewhat dull brown and black hair that covers Eleanor Roosevelt. And when we have at last exhausted all our baking efforts, the girls revel in licking all things containing raw eggs which, as we know, was not a problem at all when I was a child. Before raw eggs were exposed as the horrifically dangerous orbs that we now know them to be, I, like many, was encouraged to lick away all remaining raw eggs from toxic plastic bowls. Not so in 2009, uncooked eggs pose every possible danger to children and I scream in horror when their batter covered fingers touch their faces. Once recovered, we all walk down the street to eat raw tuna on rice for dinner.

Valentine's Day is just over a month away. Optimistically I will have the heart shaped cake pan greased and ready, the very same one I used so long ago in that red kitchen with the old gal who had endless patience for what must have been a challenging bake off. My memories, thankfully, do not recount her putting her head on the counter and begging for sanity while loudly pleading for an armed fairy cleaning woman at her beck and call; perhaps my girls can block that out as well.

Monday, December 29, 2008

All I Want for Christmas

"Oh Jack, you romantic, you shouldn't have!". There were just not enough gifts under the tree this year, Christmas coming so quickly of course, so just as a special treat for the two of us we decided on the emergency "before your apartment catches fire" new electrical system, just what every girl dreams of!

It was warm in Chicago this weekend, upper 40's Friday night, and warmer still on Sunday. With warmth comes melting, inches upon inches of melting snow, coupled with rain all day Saturday, we were under water, and so was our basement. Handy Jack, who sometimes has trouble hanging pictures on walls, was out in the downpour at 1 am Saturday morning stretching a tarp across the neighbor's back deck in an effort to divert some of the roof snow from pouring into the semi swamp like basement. But it was too late Ethel, our turn of the century electrical system had had too much and poof! it was gone.

The crew arrived at 5:30 am today, turned off what limited power we had and set about installing an entirely new system. Jack went to his well illuminated office; the girls and I, after fumbling around in the dark, opted for a day at Tooty's apartment,with Eleanor Roosevelt, the Senator and the President elect. Bless Tooty. They were bored. We went out to lunch, or we tried. I thought perhaps a day out would be fun, maybe Water Tower? We don't often go to Water Tower, I hate malls, but it was cold and I thought they might enjoy the madness. Everyone in the Chicago area thought the same thing, it was packed, unable to move packed, 30 minute wait for an elevator packed. We left, so much nicer outside, not to mention much better food. A 45 minute wait for anything terrible inside but outside, cold air, and plenty of open tables to be found.

We are without power again tomorrow as they put the final touches on our big gift. Difficult to wrap of course but a lovely gift just the same. And the piece of mind that comes from knowing that you are no longer just a spark away from blowing up, the best gift of all. Pass the eggnog.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Bakers Two, Part Deux

It's been a very long week, which is not the way I wanted to kick off the holiday season. It happens, but I've lost any inclination to write, or cook, or change my socks. I'm re-posting, from my limited selection of holiday related essays. It might happen again; I'm too busy enjoying the falala and the hohoho to take off my dancing shoes and flex my fingers.

Bakers Two, originally posted in January of 2010.

He was certain, or close to certain, that there were two girls. As I had spent the better part of the previous five months faking excitement while staring at the foggy screen, I had no real means to challenge his opinion, and Jack was passed out on the floor, the words "two girls" having sent him directly under the table, head first. "Really, two girls, really? You are quite sure?", and he was, what he saw, and what I did not, was two girls. And to think, I had been busing around all this time assuming two boys were causing me all this discomfort. I threw water on my husband, dressed and hurled myself towards the door.

Fueled by my relationship with my father, I had assumed, for the years I spent not pregnant and without children, that if in fact I was ever fool enough to throw myself into this madness, I would come out on the other side the mother of boys. To be fair, those spanky little navy blazers at Brooks Brothers figured into my future vision, perhaps my son would be born in that. He was not, in fact he came out naked, two times and in drag.

At some point I realized, once I took control of my pink phobic mind, that really, some of my very best childhood memories were directly related to my being a girl. Days spent at the ballpark with my dad included, as were the hours I amassed sitting at the counter in Mimi's kitchen. Every September we baked apple pies, for Valentine's Day a heart shaped cake and at Christmas, peppermint cookies, sugar cookies and whiskey balls. Of course I could have been a boy, and there were days that my father might have thought that perhaps I was, but there was something to my girl days in the kitchen, and in a quick moment I realized that I could relive those wonderful memories with my girls. And this realization made the tiny blue blazers a thing of the past, red aprons were in my future, I was certain.

The first Christmas rolled around; at three months they were very little help, which I found truly frustrating. Mary slept through most of the Bing Crosby serenaded day while Kate fussed and insisted on sitting in the kitchen.When I then spilled a good amount of powdered sugar directly onto her small head, an indoor winter wonderland covering her small and once happy infant body, she voiced her displeasure accordingly.

Four years later she is content to bathe in powdered sugar, or chocolate, or both. There are few pleasures greater than spilling an entire cup of flour on her sister, who then returns the favor, but with melted butter. Cocoa works especially well for airborne mess, and cookie decorating sugars are best used to enhance the somewhat dull brown and black hair that covers Eleanor Roosevelt. And when we have at last exhausted all our baking efforts, the girls revel in licking all things containing raw eggs which, as we know, was not a problem at all when I was a child. Before raw eggs were exposed as the horrifically dangerous orbs that we now know them to be, I, like many, was encouraged to lick away all remaining raw eggs from toxic plastic bowls. Not so in 2009, uncooked eggs pose every possible danger to children and I scream in horror when their batter covered fingers touch their faces. Once recovered, we all walk down the street to eat raw tuna on rice for dinner.

Valentine's Day is just over a month away. Optimistically I will have the heart shaped cake pan greased and ready, the very same one I used so long ago in that red kitchen with the old gal who had endless patience for what must have been a challenging bake off. My memories, thankfully, do not recount her putting her head on the counter and begging for sanity while loudly pleading for an armed fairy cleaning woman at her beck and call; perhaps my girls can block that out as well.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Houston 3, Cubs 2


4:36 A.M.

Mary: MOM, MOMMY!

Grabbing my glasses and tripping over a snoring Eleanor Roosevelt I stumble into their room. Mary's head pops up...

Mary: Mom, who won the baseball game?
Me: What?
Mary: The baseball game Mom, who won?
Me: Cubs, I think the Cubs won.
Mary: Thanks Mom, goodnight.

With an 8:00 bedtime, Mary and Kate hit the pillows about the third inning of night games. It's going to be a very long baseball season if this continues.

This morning she relayed the exchange for her father, who slept through the whole of Baseball Late Night.

Mary: MOM, you told me the Cubs won, they lost, they only had 2, Houston had 3. Three is more than two.

At 4:36 in the morning it is shocking I knew there had been a baseball game, much less who was playing.

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