Saturday, November 15, 2008

One Step Back

There are days, oh the days, when the husband drives me crazy, simply bonkers. He does not wash dishes, he'll load the dishwasher but he will not hand wash one thing. He leaves the television on when he leaves the room, and he does not love, he barely tolerates, Eleanor Roosevelt. But I know he's here to stay, we're married, like it or not and thankfully we do love each other. And we're a family, the four of us (plus Eleanor) and I am quite certain that tomorrow we will be a family and the next day and the next.

Oh to be a gay man or woman in California, to not have to live with this burden, this sense of security, this insane knowledge that my marriage is legal, condoned and accepted. What it would be like to know that tomorrow I may wake up to find that I'm no longer married, that this commitment I made is simply no longer valid? That this person living in my house with me is no longer my spouse but now my roommate? I've had several roommates in my lifetime, loved them all, but did not want to marry one of them.

And here we are, celebrating an election that puts us all one step ahead while voters in California (and three other states) said no, maybe not all of us, let's leave these people one step back. And why? Why is this important to so many people? It's important to me, it makes a difference in the lives of people I love, it affects how my children will see the world, but why does it matter to you?

This morning I overheard Mary and Kate playing, they were exchanging rings and announcing "now we are married". Moving past the sister issue, I love knowing that my children think it's just fine for a woman to marry a woman or a man to marry a man. I want to be able to introduce them to my friend Peter and his husband Brian, not his friend Brian. I'd like everyone to have this opportunity, to be attached to this other person on days when you think it's the greatest thing going and on days when you want to hang the other off the back porch. Why should this emotional tether be only the sport of heterosexual couples?

Years ago I was a guest at a commitment ceremony, two men, in Kansas City. Telling my dad, my Texas Aggie Republican Dad, about my day I got "why should I care if they get married?". Really? I expected so much more. And that's it, why should it matter? If someone else wants their shot at happiness, why not?

3 comments:

LMA said...

Beautifully said, Ally.

PJS said...

l look forward to the day my husband meets your daughters. (and they meet our kids and we pull out the SMS yearbook and all look at those wonderful prom pictures and think what an amazing journey this has been)
xo, your old friend peter

beachbungalow8 said...

why would anyone deny the union of two people who love each other? Why would anyone want to stand in the way of a family finally being recognized as authentic~no matter what it looks like.
I'm so infuriated by my state of California. Isn't this really a breach of constitutional rights? Take the bible out of it~separate our government from our church, and see it for what it is.

I'm mostly sad {but hopeful} for the couples I've known over the years, who have raised beautiful children and were finally going to be 'married'. We're not done with this yet.

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