Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Really? That Gay Marriage Thing, Again?

My friend, and most loyal reader, Egg called last week, "where is the post about gay marriage? I can't believe you haven't written anything about Obama".

She knows me well, knows that in the past I would have taken this Obama outing and written like mad but at this point, being said with great respect and admiration, I really don't care, and I don't understand why so many people do.

Here's the thing, I'm already married, and I'm banking on this sticking, at least for the foreseeable future. If I'm wrong, if I'm soon to be out hitting the bricks looking for some other fool to pledge themselves to me forever, my hunch is that I would be looking for someone all 50 states would agree to be a fine suitor. Lucky me, there are 50 states which condone and accept my choice of lifetime sparing partner, 50 states who know what's best for me.

Way back before I was a woman who had an opinion, people were certain that passage of the Equal Rights Amendment would signal the end of sexually designated restrooms. Equal pay for equal work clearly also equaled shared bathrooms, and men having to suffer through women gossiping about coworkers while spraying copious amounts of hairspray and women having to suffer through, well, men in the bathroom. Amazingly that didn't happen. I know this because every time I have more than one cocktail I am forced to take my best shot at which door, with every new and clever way to say "women", is actually the one for me.

With that kind of hindsight on our side, what do we really think will happen if everyone, and by that I mean everyone besides Iowa, New York, Massachusetts, Connecticut, New Hampshire and Vermont, agreed that we really don't care who you marry, as long as you're happy and you don't send all of us those cloyingly cute updates on your wedded bliss via Facebook daily? What if the mother of all who knows what is good for us agreed, what if the federal government told us who we could marry? Wait, I think they did because I'm almost positive that it used to be that I had to marry someone whose skin color was the same as mine. In fact, and this is entirely embarrassing, when I was born the state in which I landed still had laws prohibiting me from marrying someone who didn't match. That I did certainly pleased those old school lawmakers in Missouri however Jack and I come from vastly different backgrounds. If we are really digging into legislating who we can and can't marry, perhaps someone should look into this. Let me tell you, wedding planning across the great divide of family background was challenging at best. Well worth the effort, but a difficult path to long wedded, and legally sanctioned, bliss.

Many of our friends are married, most actually. Many, but not all, have married someone of the opposite sex. Without exception, and understanding that I do really love our friends, both men and women, there is not one of them that I would want to marry. Allowing everyone to marry would, in no way, alter my choice of spouse. Were Illinois to suddenly tell me that yes, I could marry Beth, I would no more want to run out and marry a woman than I would want to run out and marry Egg's husband. In no way will this affect how I butter my toast in the morning, or help my children with homework in the afternoon. We will still go to the beach, complain about the economy, and vote in the next election. In short, this hullabaloo does not dramatically alter my life, but for so many it does. And that I care about, deeply.

Egg was right, I have written about this, here, and here and here, and here. What I don't understand, really don't understand, is why does anyone else care? Will men marrying men somehow change what you like on pizza?


Toad said...

you have me full stamp of approval, although I can't imagine why this is an issue in a country that believes in equal rights

MandyE (Twin Trials and Triumphs) said...

I honestly can't think too much about this topic, as it makes my chest constrict.

The day following Obama's recent comment in support of gay marriage, what cloaked me in a dark fog was watching the comments from my Facebook "friends"...quoting Bible verses, proclaiming what was "right", and declaring how Democrats were going to be the death of our great nation.

It saddens me deeply to see how close-minded people are. And it has to make you wonder what other feelings they harbor. I married a foreign-born man (from Eastern Europe). Be it someone of another race or another ethnicity...how far do my "friends'" feelings carry?

One of the only things that made me chuckle that day was seeing a picture of Rush Limbaugh with some outrageous quote he made about the denigration of the institution of marriage...under which was noted, "His second, third, and fourth wives could not be reached for comment." Hahaha!

I always love your commentary!

KD said...

What's wrong with Egg's husband?

Marion Williams-Bennett said...

Kind of reminds me of the New Yorker cartoon about Gay marriage that said..

Wow, marriage for gays? Haven't gay people suffered enough?

I say come on over gay friends! Have at this marriage thing, it's not like us straight people have it all figured out.

Let people marry who they love. End of story.


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