Here's my nightmare, not Venice, oh no, I love Venice, it's the birds. Terrified of them, I run from pigeons, those scary city birds who have no fear at all, flying right at me, and I run in the opposite direction, shrieking down a crowded city street. Ten years ago I was in Venice with my co-worker non boyfriend who thought it would be hilarious to hold pieces of food over my head as I walked through the lovely Piazza San Marco. It was not hilarious, it was terrifying, horrific and worthy of therapy. I married him.
Years ago I opened the front door of my little house to let the dog out and a bird flew in, right in the front door. I screamed, the bird screamed, I ran, he ran and then we both hid. A bird, a flying bird somewhere in my house, and I was late for a meeting. I called Kenny. He laughed, laughed so hard he couldn't talk. He told me to make it dark inside, close the curtains and open the front door. What if the bird was IN the curtains? I was terrified the whole bird family would come in, let's invite everybody in for the holidays. I called Kenny back, crying. Why have we been friends for over 20 years? He came over and got rid of the bird and I went to my office, only marginally late for my meeting.
Children make you face your worst fears. Childbirth, vomit, bodily functions in general, pureed food and birds, they force you to confront it all. Today I thought we needed to create something to draw birds closer to our home. I got out the peanut butter and Mary, Kate and I slathered it all over pine cones, covered them with birdseed and made lovely bird magnets. I cautiously hung them on the back porch, ran inside, closed and locked the door and stood with the girls as we watched the neighborhood squirrels abscond with our handiwork. Not one bird benefited from our hard work. And not one bird got into our home. Good thing, Kenny being a little too far to dash over and save me again.
Mary and Kate are eager to try this again, wonderful.