She's My Sister

We are a family of sisters.

My only sibling is a sister, my mother has one, her mother had two and Mimi, Dad's mom, was one of three. My aunt had two boys, to keep us balanced, but stayed on track by having twin girls, and one more, their sister. Foolishly I thought I would have boys, but of course, did not, twin girls, sisters.

Often I am asked if Mary and Kate have their own language, which technically they do not, but it is clear to me, and to Jack, that they understand each other in a way that we will never fully comprehend. They answer for one another, and frequently explain the frustrations of their sister when the frustrated child is just beyond being able to speak for herself. Mary explained to me that the source of Kate's morning fashion fit was the matching shirts they had selected the night before. Kate does not like to wear matching clothes, Mary loves it. They laugh and giggle together, at times to my exclusion, and they know, it seems with just a look, what the other is thinking. They are fiercely protective of each other and yet, attack with a vengeance saved from the rest of the world, or so I hope. Despite the swiping, they have never once removed themselves from the other, choosing to be placed in the same class at school, a decision we really let fall to them. They will always be defined as sisters, and twins, but in that they are unique individuals, with intensely different personalities, I know they will find their way alone, but always beside their sister.

Watching them find their way as sisters fascinates me, as a sister, and a granddaughter, and a great niece. Much of my early exposure to women was in the form of my great aunts, Mimi's sisters, who were widowed, and without children of their own. They were dependent on one another, as two older women who have known each other forever, would be. Two completely different personalities whose main avenue of communication was bickering, I learned, very early on, to giggle with my grandmother when they got started. In eighty years of living, it is unlikely that these two ever agreed on anything. My grandfather used to shake his head and wander out when the conversation turned to very important issues, such as whose voice was the greatest of all the Lawrence Welk singers. And while Mimi certainly had an opinion, she always remained somewhat impartial in the banter between her two older sisters. She lived a different life, with a husband, two children and grandchildren, and that, along with being the youngest, kept her on the outside looking in. It helped that she favored Bobby and Cissy, dancers, keeping her just beyond the battle lines on the best voice argument, but if pressed, it would have been that champagne lady, hands down.

In my own life, I am the older sister. Stereotypes ring true, and my sister would agree, I'm older. It suits me, and her, the roles assigned to us by birth order; Ashley has spent her entire life with not two parents, but three. At almost 35, I still expect her to call me when she arrives home safely after the three block walk from my apartment. And what I find in my own girls is that it's possible that being older is simply who I am, because in her first two minutes of life, Mary mightily took on the older sister role. My assumption is she gave Kate a quick jab to the ribs and pushed out first, fitting really, as in every way she is the older sister. She watches out for Kate, bosses Kate, protects Kate and loves Kate more than anything in the world.

Like the sisters that came before them, they discover each other every day, and while they will always, in some ways, be viewed as part of each other, we are watching them chart their own unique course. From them I learn how their roles were created long before the outside world peeked in, and how they establish themselves in those roles, and out, each day. Relationships are fluid and they have years to establish themselves apart from each other but it is clear to me, thirty years from now Kate will be calling Mary, late at night, just to let her know she got home safely. Lucky girls, what a gift.


"Today I'm participating in a mass blogging! WOW! Women On Writing has gathered a group of blogging buddies to write about family relationships. Why family relationships? We're celebrating the release of Therese Walsh's debut novel today. The Last Will of Moira Leahy, (Random House, October 13, 2009) is about a mysterious journey that helps a woman learn more about herself and her twin, whom she lost when they were teenagers. Visit The Muffin (http://www.wow-womenonwriting.com/blog.html) to read what Therese has to say about family relationships and view the list of all my blogging buddies. And make sure you visit Therese's website (http://www.theresewalsh.com) to find out more about the author."