Cry Me a Frozen River

"Excuse me, do you have time to save the river today?"

Excuse me, have you lost your mind?

Whatever river you are trying to save by standing on Broadway with your smiling face and informational flyers is frozen. As are you. We are all frozen. The only thing that needs saving today is the embattled soul of every Chicagoan tired of self incubating with wool and down and coffee.

Bully for you for saving the river, really, but save yourself first. Start by wearing a hat, and put out that stupid cigarette, you know, the one you are about to toss casually onto the street, contributing to our urban mess while working to save a river that is now suitable for ice hockey practice.

It's cold today and it will be cold tomorrow. Someday it might be warm again, someday I might not race past you, praying that I can get inside before my exposed skin starts to peel away in protest from my frozen body, but not today. Today it is 5 degrees, and it's snowing again.

For the love of the river, go inside.

Image of the frozen and snow covered Chicago river borrowed from Twitter, @cornerofthecafe, because it's just too damn cold for me to step outside to take one myself.